A Legendary Hero Returns

July 1, 2006 at 3:35 am (Movies)

I watched Superman Returns tonight. It was really good until it got to the major crisis, and then it was pretty normal fare. Basically, it ran out my quota for Steel Girder Bendy Noises after a certain point. At first glance, Superman is an emokid. He has an emo haircut. He wears emo glasses. He’s an orphan. The girl he likes is boinking another guy. Of course, he’s not really an emokid. Becuase he’s superman. If he were an emokid, it would not have been necessary to spend several hours making sure that his wang was not so enormous that it frightened away children. Probably spoilers after the cut.

The world needs Nyansaburo

Lex Luthor was insufficiently menacing. It is telling that Luthor was not actually present for the most sinister Luthor-related moment in the movie. Apparently his wigs are far more terrifying than he is.

Superman’s pathos was pretty impressive. It’s a fairly simple formula: boy wants girl he does not have. But unlike the typical romance drama pathos, he doesn’t keep screwing things up, Lois is just a fucking idiot. I thought the take-off scene, complete with Lois Lain Goth Toenails was good, if incredibly corny; no spiderman upside-down kiss, but vaguely kinky in a hard-to-identify way all the same. I liked his quiet frustration, and appreciated his pansy-ass nobility, though he was certainly not so Christ-like (ha. ha. hahahaha.) that romancing Lois away from her fiance was beneath him.

The cinematography in the early parts of the movie was really good. I liked the shuttle action scene far more than the later action scenes. I could have done without the long flashback to his youth. I liked the scene of him following Lois wantingly with his x-ray vision.

I thought they had a good theme going on early with “The World Needs Superman,” but didn’t really carry through on it. Yeah, OBVIOUSLY the world needs Superman when Lex Luthor tries to kill billions of people with his Atlantis hissatsu, but they’d been going after a more conceptual point before then. They really needed to read at least an excerpt of Lois’s pulitizer-winning article.

In general, there were a lot of things wrong with this movie, or things that could have been done better, but I say that about practically every movie I watch, so it’s not really damning. It was actually pretty good, and Brian Singer continues to be probably the best director for comic book adaptations that I’ve seen. It was about as good as I’d hoped it would be, and far better than I was worried it would be. It was worth the ticket price.

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