SaiGar 1-D-3: Gay Porn.

January 13, 2007 at 6:45 am (Anime)

ABSTRACT: Harima subverts the bad-boy image by being sensitive. Freddie is a look-a-like to one of the most well-known gay musicians ever. Jun is a trap. Both peen0r and vagin0r are equal to Kaworu. And both “Rock Lee” and “Nicholas D. Wolfwood” are obviously porn-star names. Let’s get jiggy.

LEFT SIDE

Harima Kenji (School Rumble)

GAR-TYPE: Tough-guy with heart of gold
SUMMARY: I could never quite get into School Rumble, but Harima has some serious manliness credentials. While to a great extent he is a traditional juvenile-delinquent, he is entirely willing to sacrifice his image and embarrass himself in the fruitless pursuit of the woman he loves. That pure-hearted dedication is quite manly. Personally, I think I’m going to vote for Harima, though his competition is quite worthy.

Rock Lee (Naruto)

GAR-TYPE: Bad-ass
SUMMARY: With the lamented and unfair loss of Maito Gai in the previous matches, there is still the question of his young apprentice Skywalker Rock Lee. On the one hand, Lee spends a lot of time trying to imitate and/or impress his mentor, but on the other hand he works hard. To quote the WkPda article on Rock, “Rock Lee’s hobby is hard work; he has even been called a genius at hard work.” Hard work is manly. Also, if he’s gonna imitate somebody for manliness, he could do a lot worse than Gai, as has already been discussed. I think a vote for Rock Lee is definitely as acceptable as a vote for Harima or Freddie.

Freddie (Cromartie High School)

GAR-TYPE: Strong/Silent
SUMMARY: Freddie is huge, strong, and never talks. He wears suspenders, pants, and a shitload of chest hair. He is designed to look exactly like Freddie Mercury from Queen. He also rides an IMMENSE HORSE to school. He’s quite manly in a very conventional way. Normally I’d probably say Freddie’s the easy vote, but he has some strong competition from both Harima and Rock Lee.

RIGHT SIDE

Watarase Jun (Happiness!)

GAR-TYPE: It’s a trap!
SUMMARY: Jun is here to remind me that SaiGar is actually a joke, I guess. There is nothing manly about Jun, though he was about the only thing in Happiness! that held my attention for more than a second. Heh. Traps.

Nagisawa Kaworu (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

GAR-PATTERN: Blue
SUMMARY: While he’s only on the show for one episode, and doesn’t have a manly demeanor, Kaworu not only sacrifices himself because of his love for Shinji, who is sad and pathetic, as an example of humanity, but entrusts the fate of the universe to him (well sorta). Sympathy for human weakness and the strength to sacrifice are pretty manly, though the strength to survive and turn weakness into strength (i.e. Onizuka) is better.

Nicholas D. Wolfwood (Trigun)

GAR-TYPE: Badass
SUMMARY: I don’t know why Wolfie is on here when Vash is not. Vash is manly, and can be relied on. Wolfwood is untrustworthy. He makes his woman cry unnecessarily, and misunderstands the priorities of life. He does have the best porn star name short of “Richard Balla” though.

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1 Comment

  1. retsgip said,

    I never realized just HOW GAR Harima is. It’s so simple, yet I don’t know if the big GAR boom was around yet and he kind of slipped through my gayda–GARdar. Freudian slip…

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